6-Pound Purse

Yes, there is a perfectly rational reason why my keychain is the size of a chandelier

It came up in casual conversation that my friend’s purse weighs over six pounds. The only reason she knows this is that she is recovering from major surgery and she is not supposed to lift anything that weighs more than... five pounds.

“What do you even have in there?”

“Everything! I’m like a Boy Scout - except I was never a Boy Scout - be prepared, right?”

“My husband is an Eagle Scout and he doesn’t carry a six-pound purse.”

Everyone knows that it’s a little silly to carry a huge, heavy purse. That’s fine - I am a big proponent of silly, as my sock drawer will attest. The main reason not to carry that big of a bag is that it can lead to chiropractic problems and chronic neck and shoulder pain.

Or at least it used to be.

The main reason not to carry a big, heavy purse now is that everything in it is vulnerable to contamination from coronavirus.

It also raises a few pertinent questions.

1. Where are you going?
2. Why?
3. How long do you think you’ll be gone, anyway?

I happen to know that my friend still goes to church almost every day of the week. Physically. There are undoubtedly hundreds of thousands of people doing this, which makes me really sad, because I was under the impression that church is about love and caring and having a close community. In my mind, that means protecting each other from deadly infections at the bare minimum!

Let’s change that subject, though, and talk a bit more about the whole “being prepared” aspect of scouting. I know a bit about it because I’ve been trekking for weeks on end with my husband, the Eagle Scout. It drives me crazy with envy that he got to do that, since girls are still not allowed, and I was obsessed with survivalism when I was around 12.

You mean to tell me you know how to build an actual snow cave?? And start a fire without matches??

This is why my hubby doesn’t carry a six-pound purse - or any purse. As long as I have known him, he carries:

A wallet
Keys
Phone

...and, now, his eyeglasses and a mask.

I have learned this, having absorbed these lessons through proximity. And distance running. On the vanishingly rare occasions when I leave the apartment, I bring:

My phone
Keys

...and two fabric masks and a plastic face shield.

I bring my phone and keys even when I take out the trash, because I have to let myself back through the security system. One night I forgot, and I wasn’t able to go back up the elevator, and then the call box no longer worked due to a security upgrade. I had to call my hubby to come downstairs and let me in. Good thing he doesn’t go on travel anymore!

What a big purse is about is not really being prepared - it’s feeling like you can handle anything that might come up.

Is that actually true?

My friend mentioned that she carries a sewing kit. Yeah, me too. I have a sewing kit in my expedition backpack and another one in my suitcase. How would I deal with it if I... had a sewing emergency while I was outside somewhere??

...I... look over my clothes when I fold the laundry?

I have owned a sewing kit since at least the age of ten. I have used one several times. Not once have I needed it while doing errands or out for a run. Why not just keep it in the car?

There is one “emergency” item that I keep in my work bag - a bag that currently resides inside my bedroom closet - and that is a backup battery for my phone. I used to use it at least once a week, since I spent a lot of time on the bus, going to club meetings, or writing for hours in a cafe. (Remember when?) Then it turned out that I almost never needed it, because I got a phone upgrade and the battery life was better.

Why carry such a relatively heavy item everywhere I went?

1. Because it fits?
2. Because I’m used to it?
3. Because I don’t like to stop and do strategic planning?

My friend evidently feels safe and prepared because she has a sewing kit, among nameless other items, in her six-pound purse.

In reality, she is endangering her health post-surgery, causing herself actual physical pain by carrying so much.

She is also endangering her health by continuing to leave her house and socialize with people in enclosed indoor spaces, like she used to do before the pandemic.

Look, I know a lot of people are still gallivanting around because they believe they have evaluated the risk and made a conscious, adult decision. I know that. One of them had a phone conversation with me last week, wanting to know why I hadn’t made a bigger fuss about how serious my COVID symptoms were, because if she had realized she might not have traveled with three other families who all wound up getting sick.

Uhhh...

What I’m talking about is how people make decisions, and how we evaluate risks, and what we do to mitigate those risks.

I changed a few things after I got sick with COVID. One of them was to reevaluate who I accept into my social group. One of my close friends is a loving, giving person who tolerates a wide spectrum of behavior in her friends that I don’t really tolerate in mine. I don’t trust her friends, and therefore I won’t socialize with my friend until the pandemic is over. Afterward, well, I’m still going to reevaluate.

We had a quaranteam buddy for a while. That ended a few months ago for a variety of reasons.

My husband and I now socialize with zero people in person. The only people we see are our inconsiderate neighbors who refuse to wear masks in our building lobby, laundry room, elevator, etc. We are physically afraid to open our front door, much less go anywhere.

That’s why neither of us will be found carrying a six-pound purse. Carry it where?