Avoidance Goals Work Slightly Better

If there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s imagining bad outcomes. We get spun up over this all the time. For every conversation, there are probably twelve sad, scary, or alarming versions that never happened. Every job interview really lasts for eighty hours, seventy-nine of them imaginary. Anxiety and pessimism are survival traits. Worry and dread have gotten us through fire, flood, famine, siege, animal attack, and all the rest. This is probably why avoidance goals work slightly better than approach goals.

An avoidance goal is phrased in a way that anticipates a negative outcome. “Don’t forget your glasses.”

An approach goal is phrased in a way that anticipates a positive outcome. “Remember to wear your glasses.”

It’s possible that certain personality types lean more toward one goal type or the other. An optimist will naturally prefer an approach goal. It’s also possible that certain types of goals are better suited for one format or the other. A personal experiment should make this clear. Are we getting the results we want in the areas that are important to us?

I’m an extreme optimist, an enthusiast by nature. I love working on annual, quarterly, monthly, and sometimes even hourly goals. My plans tend to be both broad and specific. I would have thought I made almost entirely approach-oriented goals. Then I read a blog post by a guy who made two goals and then compared his adherence to them based on whether he focused on approach or avoidance. He did better with avoidance. It made me realize that I follow a lot of avoidance-based goals throughout the day, almost automatically. I think of it as “common sense,” although of course “common sense” is never all that common.

Every single time I use a knife, I think, “Okay, now don’t cut yourself.”

Every single time I go down a flight of stairs, I think, with every single step, “Okay, now don’t slip.”

When I pack a suitcase, I bustle around my apartment, talking to myself. “Don’t forget your tickets. Don’t forget your back-up battery. Don’t forget your” endlessly, all the way up to the jetway.

There’s a distinct, gear-shifting feeling between this constant internal nattering and the aerial view, grand strategic plans that I normally think of as goal-setting.

Maybe one of the reasons that avoidance goals work better is that we can only plan them when we actually believe that the negative outcome is a firm possibility. I think that is very much not the case for a lot of common “goals.” Further, I think it’s common to “choose” a mainstream “goal” as a smokescreen, a pretend Potemkin intention, to protect our tendency to do what we want without criticism. Hey, I tried, what more do you want from me??

Research shows that we’re really poor at thinking of future versions of ourselves. We think of Old Me as a total stranger. Hey, Future Me, have fun paying off all this debt and picking up my socks! Ha, Future Me is such a sucker. We can’t really believe in a universe in which “I” am an elderly person. Surely I have better taste than to age and grow old! I’m much too smart for that! If we can’t believe in a frail, elderly, poor, and ill version of ourselves, then we have no intrinsic motivation to save money, eat healthy foods, and be more active. We do, however, believe in such things as cutting a finger or falling down the stairs. “Don’t cut yourself” is a much more believable imperative than “don’t get osteoporosis.”

My major fitness motivation is “Avoid getting Alzheimer’s.” This is a truly terrifying outcome. Why simply sit around and be afraid of something, though? That would be sacrificing all the good years for what may or may not turn out to be the bad years. It’s a logical fallacy. How can undirected anxiety possibly do me any good? That just means I suffer Alzheimer’s PLUS decades of dread. If I’m right, if my thesis is correct that Alzheimer’s is at least a little bit susceptible to lifestyle inputs, then I must do every last single thing in my power to avoid it. If I’m wrong, and I’ve done all of these actions over the years for no reason, if my efforts have been futile, I still benefit in three ways.

1. The knowledge that I tried, that I am an agent in my own life.
2. Other problems that may have been mitigated by the same efforts, meaning that my food and activities may have prevented diabetes or heart disease instead.
3. The intrinsic enjoyment of eating healthy food and exerting myself in interesting activities.

I could use an approach-oriented framework and tell myself “Eat healthy food” and “Get plenty of exercise.” Arguably, I do both of these things. They’re extremely vague, though, so vague as to be almost meaningless. That’s another reason that avoidance goals work a little better, because they’re unfailingly very specific.

It’s easier to “stop drinking soda” or “stop eating bagels” or “don’t eat high-fructose corn syrup.” Those are specific and simple to understand, and any of them could result in an easy ten-pound weight loss over a year.

I’m always going to make wildly positive, outlandishly optimistic goals and resolutions. It’s fun and it works much better than pop culture would lead us to believe. Past Me would have had a lot of trouble believing in my future ability to run a marathon, manage an investment portfolio, cook Thanksgiving dinner for two dozen people, buy train tickets in Spain, or lots of other things I’ve done. How would a negative version of those goals even be phrased? “Don’t screw up”? I will, however, continue to use avoidance goals when they seem helpful.

Here are some avoidance goals that I use, by category:

Financial

Don’t be in debt

Don’t carry a credit card balance

Don’t pay finance charges

Don’t buy on impulse

Don’t buy anything unless you know where you’ll put it and how you’ll clean it

Don’t outgrow your clothes, they’re expensive

Health

Avoid getting a migraine - (body weight, dehydration, poor sleep quality)

Don’t get Alzheimer’s

Don’t trigger your night terrors - (eating after 8 PM)

Domestic

Don’t run out of clean underwear

Don’t make extra work for yourself

Don’t leave crusty dishes

That needs to get eaten up before it gets wasted

Marital

Don’t criticize unless you’re open to being criticized

Don’t be a caricature

No double standards

Don’t be like his ex

Don’t do his pet peeves

Don’t be a pushover or a victim

Social

Don’t be a flake

Don’t be a freeloader

Don’t associate with gossips

Don’t stand by and let other people be bullied

General

“Don’t do anything illegal, immoral, or just plain stupid.” - My Dad

“Never go viral for the wrong reasons.” - Anonymous

“Do things that are a good idea, and don’t do things that are a bad idea.” - Me