COVID-19 Chronicles: First Day Off Meds

Two naps today, feeling jet-lagged

This is the first time in over a month that I have just felt regular tired, not sick-tired

Used to sleep like this after distance races, last time I needed two naps was after my marathon

Made executive decision to not take Mucinex or Tylenol and just see how I do, very pleased not to be coughing or short of breath, no burning in chest, done with antibiotics

Looks like

I BEAT THIS THING!

(And the other thing)

Unpacked my hospital go-bag, gesture of faith and optimism

Opened my email

Closed it again, flopped head back, not today sorry

Feeling 70% for only the second time in the past month, last time ended with chest x-ray, hopefully this time is for real

Thinking a lot about how other people would handle this, people with kids, people with more than one sick person in the house, people with traditional jobs

In other words, almost everyone

I was ill for the entire month of April, actually started back in March, only now am I starting to feel well enough to DO anything

Like make my own breakfast

Could I get through an eight-hour work day right now, doubtful

I have trouble even sitting in a regular chair for an hour, still slouching on the couch most of the day

Had a social Zoom call this afternoon that I had been looking forward to for two weeks, slept right through it

Now that I don’t have to freak out about trying not to die every day, I’m starting to kinda freak out about other stuff

What are people going to do if they get sick like me and lose two, three, four weeks or more?

What if they have kids??

My mom shared a memory with me while I was sick, all five of us got the stomach flu from hell at the same time, one bathroom & one bucket, I think I was 7 or 8 at the time so my brothers were really little, I remember

Poor mommy flopping in rocking chair, trying to tend to three sick kids while sick herself

All family members at least 500 miles away

That went on for a few days, imagine doing that with weeks of COVID

Have you seen the pictures of these tiny kids with full-body skin rashes? New symptom, little ones definitely vulnerable, poor punkins 

First week I was sick I had a fantasy of being able to help other families if they got sick

Back when I thought I would only be ill for five days, HA

Now I’m like, call me in June and we’ll talk

Still have to rest after I take a shower and put clothes on

Talked to my hubby about what it was like to take care of me, he never complained, not once

Said he remembered getting the flu in college, he lost several days, passed out, no memory at all

Never forgot what it was like to be that sick and helpless

I will hand it to him, in 14 years together I have only really had to care for him a couple times when he was ill and a couple times when he had an injury, he is always easy to please and very polite and grateful

He gets it

...!

I should have gotten out my hydration pack, was just picturing having water cooler next to bed

One of the interesting things about this, gender role stuff

I owe this man my life

No way would I have been able to get enough fluids and food into myself if I lived alone

No way could I have asked anyone else to come over and care for me, who would I have asked anyway?

Probably we both thought, if he ever saved my life it would be physical, we travel a lot, mugger or burglar, kidnapper maybe

He saved me with traditional nurturing skills, nursing, cooking, cleaning

Did everything patiently, tirelessly, while holding FT job & working overtime, 10-20 hours a week

He was trained to be an emergency medical responder, look into it, it’s like a civilian EMT or ambulance driver skills, one term of classes

Very marriageable quality

When I was a kid, there was this ritual, boys only

If they “racked” each other, (hurt in the swimsuit area), they would solemnly say they were sorry and then they had to buy the other boy a special candy bar, Charleston Chew because it was the most chocolate, biggest size, he would apologize and ask whether vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry

Then come back with the correct candy bar and say he was sorry again

This taught me what an honest apology looked like

Interesting idea of, I think we could call it wergeld, payment for injury

I feel that I owe something like this to my husband

He said, “That’s marriage, babe, in sickness and in health”

I reminded him that that wasn’t actually part of our wedding vows

But I agree, that part is included, it would be hard to say but we’re probably about even on cooking for each other, we take turns taking care of each other

I feel I owe him for giving him coronavirus

He still isn’t convinced whether he had it, may never know if these antibody tests don’t pan out

Apologies work better when you are motivated, rather than the other person feeling outraged and demanding it

I’ll never forgive myself for putting him at risk because I had to go to stupid brunch

Most people will never know who got them sick, just like I’ll never know if I gave it to someone at the grocery store, forgiveness may not be an issue because non-specific, impersonal

I feel obligated to help care for someone, one day, when I can

In the meantime, best I can do, spread the word, help people figure out how to get ready, take symptoms seriously, imagine doing a kindness for someone in my situation like pharmacy run

Patient with each other when it takes an extra few days to respond to email

Or weeks maybe, sorry about that

Be well everybody