I need to take a break.
This is for both good and bad reasons.
The good reason is that I have a super cool project brewing at work, and it will most likely affect my public profile. It’s time for me to evaluate whether to continue this blog in its current format, and if so, what that will look like.
The bad news is that I have some health issues going on. This is resulting in extreme fatigue - and here I thought that was just my personality - and it doesn’t make much sense for me to flog myself for not getting content out on a regular basis.
Remember when I had to go to urgent care and get an EKG, and they said there was nothing wrong with me and sent me home?
Well, apparently two weeks later the test results have come back, and they’re… well, I have a bit of reading to do. Still two weeks to go until my 24-hour date with the heart monitor.
Possible left atrial enlargement
Low voltage QRS (aha, possible hypothyroid issue)
Consider pulmonary disease (*cough* coronavirus)
Consider pericardial effusion
Uh, none of these things are great. I have a list of possibilities to explain my persistent erratic heartbeat, almost all of which are associated with being an elderly obese alcoholic smoker.
Which I am not!
Let’s all cross our fingers and hope that it is just my naughty little thyroid gland up to its old tricks, a repeat of stuff that I put behind me twenty years ago,
My feeling right now is half nervous, half elated that there is finally something measurable that we can work with. I struggle with the belief that doctors never take me seriously. As though someone who hates hospitals as much as I do, and is as paranoid about being around sick people as I am, would ever voluntarily give up half a day and a bunch of money to… sit around in the hospital around a bunch of sick people.
Dude, believe me, I am only here because I have finally started to feel like there is no alternative. That something is seriously wrong and that I need to deal with it.
This is the advice that I would give to you, my readers:
Do what is obvious in your life.
If you need to step away from a commitment, don’t hesitate, do it.
If you need to talk to a health professional, do it. Don’t wait. If you are scared or procrastinating, you probably have a friend or someone who wouldn’t mind going with you.
If there are changes that you know you need to make, like getting more rest or lowering your stress level, take some time to do a strategic overview of yourself and figure out what you can change.
My feeling is always that I’m not working hard enough, that my problems are based in being lazy and feeling sorry for myself. That’s why I went for a run when I found out I was exposed to COVID, and it’s why I went out and bought myself roller skates after going to the hospital with an irregular heartbeat.
I can never do enough.
But you can!
I might not be enough, but you are. I promise. All you have to do is take care of yourself. Anyone who really loves you will understand and they will back you up.
Do what is obvious and take better care of yourself than I do, of myself.
I will make short updates as the whim takes me.
I've been working with chronic disorganization, squalor, and hoarding for over 20 years. I'm also a marathon runner who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and thyroid disease 17 years ago.
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