Have You Spring Cleaned Yet?

The grass is green where I am sitting right now. It’s 65 degrees, someone is throwing a frisbee, and a local school is holding a masked rehearsal for a musical. Spring is here and most likely, it will reach you where you live soon.

Spring cleaning this year is so much more optimistic than most years.

So much to look forward to! Already 1 in 6 American adults have been vaccinated. One day I had three friends from different parts of my life getting their shots on the same day. My bestie got hers (for reasons that do not make me jealous whatsoever). It seems likely that many or most of the people we know are obediently going to get their shots.

...and then, a million years from now, when we get our turn...

And then we can all hang out!

It’s this fantasy of being able to have our one friend over that is motivating me this year. My bestie is only two and a half weeks away from getting her second shot. We live within walking distance of each other. It is entirely plausible that this summer, we’ll be able to safely invite her over.

And what will she see?

This is a visualization game that I’ve done with so many of my hoarding clients, when they’ve started to make real progress but there is still so much to do. There are probably loners who hoard, but everyone I’ve worked with is excited by the idea of having people over. So we go into it in detail, the more the better.

Who will you invite?

When was the last time they were here, and what did you do?

What will you eat?

What music will you play?

For one person it was going to be a board game night. For another it was going to be a barbecue.

The last time, for us, it was birthday cake out on the rooftop deck of our apartment building.

I try to look at our tiny apartment with the fresh eyes of someone who has never seen it before. It’s small, all right. Nothing to be done about that. There certainly is a live parrot sitting at the focal point of the room, in front of the only window. If I’m new to her, then her little belly feathers are trembling with excitement, and that does tend to divert from any lack of design elegance.

Ahh, but...

The windows need washing again

There is bird kibble strewn across the floor, as usual

Plus shredded cardboard

A small apartment has the advantage of being relatively easy to clean. It has the disadvantage that every area is high-use, especially when the occupants are home 99% of the time.

And one of them sheds feathers.

I feel fortunate that technology has developed to the point that it has. We have actually discovered a brand of handheld vacuum that picks up down feathers rather than blowing them sideways on contact.

This is one of the few things that can make housework mildly interesting: enlist power tools and robots that feel more like toys and less like traditional drudgery.

Another way to gamify the experience is to play Beat the Clock. There are several ways to do this:

One, race your roommate. This requires full buy-in from the other party (or parties) and is thus unlikely to happen. Basically if you mention cleaning to another person they will think you are bossing them around and thus loathe you, or feel suddenly unable to do what they otherwise would have done simply because you brought it up.

Two, set a timer and try to finish everything in X amount of time. In the before-times you could base this deadline around something like the start of a TV show, or having to leave for the movie theater. Now the best you can probably do is order food delivery and try to finish before your meal arrives.

Three, run all your devices concurrently and try to time them together. This is what I like to do.

Start the laundry. If you are fortunate, someone who is not you can do this. Then put up the dining chairs, check for cords, and start the robot vacuum. While those machines do those jobs, you can:

Dust the ceiling fan

Dust everything else

Wipe down the counters

Scour the sink

Clean out the fridge

Break down boxes

Take out the garbage and recycling

...but then, you can do all that every week, and perhaps you do. What makes this different from deep cleaning?

What you have to do for spring cleaning depends on a lot of factors, like how big your place is, what kind of flooring you have, whether you have a yard or a garage, what kind of bedding you have, when is the last time you sorted out your closets, whether you have storm windows, and a bunch of other things.

The key is to go around, while you are doing basic chores, and notice.

When is the last time anyone moved this piece of furniture and cleaned under and behind it?

How many dead flies are in the tracks of the windows?

When is the last time anyone checked to make sure none of the sinks are leaking into the cabinet?

...Is that... algae... growing on the bottom of that faucet??

There is something about that fully inspected, freshly polished and scoured atmosphere of a deep-cleaned room that really gives a sense of accomplishment.

Or at least it’s something to do while we all wait to get the go-ahead to hang out together in person.

While I get my apartment ready, I’m thinking about three things. What will I feed everyone? What month will it be? And how do I tactfully ask our friends to see their proof of vaccination?