Eminem says we only get one shot, one opportunity, but apparently we’re supposed to get two. I’m talking about the COVID-19 vaccine, surely one of the most important innovations of all time after, say, the internet and indoor plumbing.
I’m excited about mine, everyone knows that. What I really want to talk about are the skeptics amongst us and what kinds of conversations we’re going to have with them.
I respect your personal decisions and your bodily autonomy. I understand that never in a million billion years will you ever get the vaccine, and I accept that. It’s fine, you’re off the hook. I would never pressure you.
I just want to know, what are your reasons exactly?
Why won’t you get your shot?
I had a brief conversation with a coworker the other day. She wanted to ask me to invite a couple of people to a meeting I had set up. Somehow or other it came up that she thought people were going to have present proof of vaccination in order to travel.
She used the emoji of the freaked-out face with the round eyes and the flushed cheeks. It’s one of the icons that pops up if you type the word ‘shocked.’
I responded, “I can’t wait. I’ve already had COVID so I’m really excited to get mine!”
Then we went on to talk about all the places we want to go When All This Is Over (TM).
That was not what I would call a proselytizing conversation. She hinted that she wasn’t super thrilled about the vaccine. I shared my feelings about taking my turn. Then we changed the subject.
Was this going to change this person’s mind? Doubtful. But I did have that opportunity to start blasting her with misinformation and paranoia, and I did not do that.
They’re injecting microchips into people!
See, we work in STEM and we know too much about microchips in my industry. Let me take a moment to explain this concept from our perspective.
You know those microchips you can have implanted in your cat or dog, so if they get lost, they can get back home to you?
They don’t track your pets. Right?
If those microchips were able to track animals so that people would know where they were at all times, there wouldn’t be these lost animals. You could just look at the map, drive right up to them, and shake a treat bag next to a bush and they’d come running out.
The only way those microchips work is if someone finds your kitty, takes it to a vet that has a scanner, and has them check for a chip. But sometimes the chips wander a bit, and it turns out it’s not on their chest anymore, it’s more like next to their leg or wherever. Ask any vet tech to confirm.
A microchip doesn’t do anything at all by itself. It might as well be... a potato chip. Ba dum dum.
It needs a battery or some kind of power source, and sure, I suppose some woo-woo person might imagine that it somehow knows to draw power from the human body. If that were possible, there would be a lot of very miniaturized pacemakers and insulin pumps and other medical implants that would be worth trillions of dollars on the open market.
Oh, and? If there were tracking chip implants available, don’t you think they would be marketed to anxious parents? Put one in your kid in case they ever get kidnapped? How much do you think people would pay for that??
The other thing a chip would need, besides a power source, is some kind of transmitter, like an antenna. Remember, this is why veterinarians can’t just find your lost dog. Or child.
There aren’t currently any microchips small enough to be invisible to the naked eye and just fit through a syringe, but if there were, they would need both a small battery and an antenna of some kind in order to do something. It just wouldn’t physically fit.
I adore, absolutely frolic in this idea that Someone is installing “tracking devices” to know where people are at all times. Uh, it’s called “your phone” and “Netflix”? Where the heck are other people going that is so interesting? Everyone I know is planted firmly on their couch most nights, pandemic or no pandemic. Most people spend almost all their time either at home or at work, with a few exceptions like the gym or the grocery store. Most of our habits are 99% completely predictable.
If we were so worried about it, we wouldn’t be posting our every word, thought, and deed on social media, practically begging people to take an interest.
I made a sandwich! Look at my dinner!
This is why there’s so much conversation about vaccine refusal. We’re trying to connect with each other, looking for validation and for someone to engage in what is certainly a fantastic, fascinating example of practical philosophy.
Do we really owe anything to anyone else?
Is society worth saving?
What absolute natural rights do I have?
Why don’t I feel more in control of my life? Why aren’t things turning out the way I always thought they would?
Where exactly is the line between liberty and license, between freedom and selfishness?
I don’t particularly want to talk to anyone about their personal reasons for not wanting to get the shot. I didn’t want to get COVID, and nobody wants to talk to me about that. It’s boring. I understand that nobody is interested in my ten-month-plus health drama. So fair trade, quid pro quo. I will leave you in peace about my long-haul COVID and you, likewise, leave me in peace about your needle anxiety.
I do, though, think it’s worth talking about in general. Maybe there are people like you, dear readers, who are looking for talking points and analogies and references to use in conversations with their reluctant family and friends.
15 million Americans have had the vaccine by now (at time of writing). Is that enough for you to feel convinced that it’s safe? If that isn’t a number, do you have a number in mind? How about 100 million?
A bunch of public figures have had it, including the Queen of England, the new US President and Vice President, Martha Stewart, the Pope, Willie Nelson, Sir Ian McKellan, Hank Aaron, and a bunch of other famous people.
If you think they’re faking it, is there a specific person you trust to tell you the truth? What if that person got it?
What if I got it? Would you believe me? What if you watched me get it right in front of you?
It’s okay that you’re not getting it, I remember that, but what do you think if I get it myself?
Would you come with me and hold my hand?
I've been working with chronic disorganization, squalor, and hoarding for over 20 years. I'm also a marathon runner who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and thyroid disease 17 years ago.
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