Our Neighbors are Revolting

Check the heat map of the United States and you’ll see us down there in the bottom left hand corner. SoCal, land of beautiful beaches and beautiful nincompoops. More people have died in my county so far (as of May 3, 2020) than in 39 states. In fact, more people have died in my county than 18 other states PUT TOGETHER.

I could have been one of them.

My friends and I were among the first 400 cases in the state, if the statistics are to be believed, although I bet we were really among the first 5000. Nobody will ever know.

We can’t be sure about this part, either, but apparently California had the first COVID-19 death in the United States. At the time that my friends and I were exposed, we thought we were third.

What I’m trying to say is that we got a solid head start on most of the country, and we had good reason to be more alert. By now. Which I can tell you we are not.

There was a protest in my little city, less than a mile from my apartment. People are flipping out because they aren’t allowed to go to the beach, and they’re showing it by heading down there and standing next to each other with no masks on.

Then again, people in my community aren’t known for wearing other stuff, like shoes, or clothes either. I once saw a young mom pulling two kids in a wagon, red to match her bikini, right in front of my building. Along a seven-lane highway. I mean, less laundry, right?

It’s impossible to ignore how sloppy people are being in my area, from my own apartment building to our Nextdoor digest to gossip with my friends.

A couple weeks ago, when I came back from my chest x-ray? I used the elevator to come upstairs because, well, because I had a lung infection. We live on the top floor, and there is a roof deck. Much to my surprise, there were at least five of my neighbors clustered together, hanging out and drinking wine while watching the sunset. No masks. They were like “Hi, care to join us” and I was afraid to even talk to them.

I COULD KILL YOU ALL YOU FECKLESS FOOLS

Wearing a surgical mask, gloves, and safety glasses. I ask of you

Earlier today, hubby and I went out for a walk for the first time in... six weeks? Very first thing that happened, one of our neighbors came in the front door with her dog. Neither of them were wearing a mask. Walked right by us within two feet.

But... you’re wearing a mask, you say. Why do you care so much?

I care because I don’t know if I can get reinfected and I’ve only been well again for a few days. MY mask lowers my chances of being exposed by about 30% against a COVID carrier with no mask. HER mask, if I had a bare face, would lower my risk by 95%. If we both wear one, I have only a 1.5% chance of getting reinfected.

I wear my mask for YOU, not me. Please do likewise.

All these people wearing pink ribbons and talking about “F*** CANCER” and wanting to protect cancer patients, can we put some of that energy toward protecting coronavirus survivors?

Stay home if you’re so worried.

Um, I need groceries and medicine too. I stayed home to protect you and your friends, and you should be sending me little thank-you notes because none of you want to be sick for a month.

We went out for a thirty-minute walk, staying within a mile of our apartment. We passed at least thirty people, only one of whom had a mask on, and he was on a bike.

One little boy was wearing one draped around his neck like a scarf. Ironically his bike helmet was clipped; I often see children “wearing” bike helmets without the strap. How many layers of fake safety gear do we need to add so kids can feel like they are disregarding some of it, but keeping their masks on their actual snoots?

Saw an old man wearing a mask in his front yard, only a few feet from the sidewalk, but it only covered his mouth.

Two Boomer men walked in our direction. One called to us, “Mask of the year!” I called back, “I was sick with COVID for a month. I’ll be wearing these the rest of the year.”

Our friend told us that all of her other friends are gossiping about her. Especially including the ones who passed the virus to us. They’ve decided she’s being “paranoid” and “obsessed” and they’re going to try to gently cajole her back into feeling like she’s safe to go to parties. Same friend who spent weeks bedridden with COVID.

Her neighbors, like ours, are having constant parties in their homes. Her neighbors may actually be more social now than they ever were before the stay-at-home order.

Our dog-walker friend is still seeing all her clients. Our hairdresser friend is still seeing clients. Our trainer friend is still seeing all his clients. Assume that almost every small business owner or sole proprietor is out there working in defiance of orders, trying to feed their kids or just not believing in the threat of the pandemic.

This is why cases here continue to climb. It’s almost like the higher the numbers go, the less my neighbors believe in them.

The masses in my town have decided that it’s all hysteria, that people who wear masks are there to be pointed and laughed at (got that at least twice today), that people who complain about someone else not social distancing are being rude and unreasonable. It’s the same stupid peer pressure one would expect to see at a high school where kids were eating Tide Pods.

Go ahead and laugh at me, neighbor, I don’t care. I cheated death. You won’t be laughing so hard if you’re wrong about your chances. Unfortunately (or luckily?) it’s going to take at least two weeks for you to find out.