Things I Have Done While Muted

Now that 99% of my social life is being performed virtually, I’ve discovered the advantages of multitasking. It’s not that I’m not listening to you - it’s that sitting still on the phone makes me restless and impatient. I got through large lecture hall classes in college by crocheting a massive afghan that I still use today. Think of these activities as ways to help me pay closer attention to you.

Things I have done while my phone was on mute:

Squeegee my sliding glass door, inside and out

Open packages

Unload the dishwasher

Make a sandwich

Wipe out the microwave

Draw in my bullet journal

Floss my teeth

Update our whiteboard

Feed my parrot

Dust the baseboards

Eat a bowl of oatmeal

Sort laundry

Fold laundry

Rearrange drawers

Organize my desk

Drink tea

Wipe fingerprints off my tablet

Chop vegetables

Make a fairly large breakfast

Wash the pans

Have a sneezing fit

Change into my gym clothes

Make the bed

Get in the elevator and ride down to the lobby

Examine my hair for split ends

Give my parrot a vigorous scalp massage

Sweep the floor

Look at your photo and wish we were together

I’ve done a lot of things while I was talking to you with the phone on mute. One thing you can’t accuse me of, though, is texting anyone else at the same time. At least the only person I was talking to was you!