Choose a resolution you can finish in one day, and you automatically get the same bragging rights as the people who choose something more complicated. If you never make resolutions because you “know” you’ll let yourself down, change the rules! You are invited to look over this list of one-day resolutions. Pick one if you think it could make your life better, easier, more fun, or more interesting.
Apply for a passport. If you already have a passport, get it out and check the expiration date. Donate blood. Change all your passwords and find out where you can use dual authentication. Go around and set all your clocks, including the microwave and the dashboard in your vehicle. Throw out everything in your kitchen that is past its expiration date. Throw out any expired medications. Throw out worn-out socks and underwear. Cash in your change jar. Make an appointment to get your teeth cleaned if it’s been more than 6 months. Make sure you’ve had a tetanus shot booster within the last 10 years. Pull out your driver’s license and check to see when it expires. Is it this year? Oh snap. Give back anything you borrowed from someone else. If you have overdue library books, return them. A lot of libraries no longer charge overdue fines! If you quit reading a book because you lost interest, let it go. Give it away or trade it in. Match up the lids with all your pots, pans, travel mugs, and plastic containers. Make a “dump run” and get rid of the broken junk from your garage, yard, or anywhere else it’s piled up. If you have a mending pile, look it over right now and decide to fix it or throw it away. Increase your retirement contribution 1%. Get a free copy of your credit report and check it for errors. Fill out a living will and have it witnessed. Sign up for a first aid/CPR certification class. Set a timer for one hour and spend it cleaning or filing. Go through your email inbox and unsubscribe to as much as possible. Delete some apps. Reconsider your social media engagement. Call an old friend and say hello. Apologize to someone. If you have your own URLs, look them over and decide whether you still want them all. Look through your queue of movies and TV episodes and delete anything that no longer interests you. Look at your keys. Are there any you don’t need any more that you can get rid of? Mystery keys you don’t even recognize? Think of any task you’ve been procrastinating for longer than a year. Make the decision to do it this month or let it go. Read The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield. Make a vow not to make negative comments about other people’s resolutions. Do you ever feel like, New Year, another one?? Right now I’m looking at the turn of the year with equal parts relief and dread, glad we made it through some heavy weather but feeling like the next year will be more of the same. Some excellent things and some terrible things happened, sometimes at the same time, and in fact isn’t every year like that?
Sometimes life gives with one hand and takes away with the other. Example, our dog was given “six weeks to live” in November 2018, and he’s still here, but his liver tumor got bigger and he also has a mass in his lung. Another example, I had to get oral surgery, but those two teeth were saved. A friend of mine in a similar situation has to wait six toothless months before she can get an implant, so I guess I feel “lucky”? Further example, I had a cyst removed after a very scary and weird medical issue, when for a few hours I feared I actually might tip over and die. Surgery is not cute or fun but it is usually better than the alternative. Crabby person: I spent a month on antibiotics, thought I might die, spent weeks dealing with medical, dental, and veterinary stuff alone because my husband was out of town, and had to get stitches twice! Optimist: I survived with just a small scar, they managed to save both my teeth, insurance paid for almost all of it, and I got my stitches out before the New Year! This is part of why I try so hard to focus on highlights and achievements at the end of the year. Otherwise it would be very, very easy to overlook them amid the chaos of daily life, that or fail to fit in any highlights at all. Here are a few. Our dog Spike survived his predicted 2018 demise, a sweet bonus year Won an election and became a Division Director in Toastmasters Went to World Domination Summit Visited London and Edinburgh for the first time Sat in one of the cafes where Harry Potter originated Moved to a new apartment that is actually quiet! Went to the Canary Islands for our tenth wedding anniversary Oh, BTW, we had a tenth wedding anniversary, 13 years together Became a Distinguished Toastmaster Noelle started saying ‘Okay’ (when she wants to go to bed) Personal: My big personal goal for the year was to submit a book proposal to a publisher. If I had known what a total train wreck this year was going to be, I would have held off on declaring this and instead just said “Get through 2019 somehow mostly intact.” Nevertheless this goal is in progress. I finally feel like I can take myself seriously as a working writer. Career: My career goal for 2019 was to become a Distinguished Toastmaster. I didn’t even know what that was when I first made my 2016 resolution to conquer my fear of public speaking. This has been one of the most emotionally challenging things I ever did, and I am really proud of myself. Not only did I get that DTM, something not even 1% of Toastmasters do, but I won an election as well. The last time I gave an impromptu speech, a couple weeks ago, someone told me that I “have a commanding presence up there.” Heh. Seriously, it’s hard to imagine someone being worse at something, and feeling more dread and dislike for it, and then having a greater transformation. If *I* could do *this* then I feel like anyone could do anything. Just push through the first six months. Physical: My physical goal was to focus on hip openers, a type of stretching exercise. I kept reminding myself to get down on the floor and figure this out, and now it’s the New Year and I still haven’t done it. Overall I feel like my body is turning into a bruised fruit. I failed at this goal. I dropped out of my martial arts gym. I also gained weight, which feels exhausting and terrible and which I am hating beyond description. This year I feel like the only physical thing I did well was to not die. Home: My home goal was to set up an outdoor writing area. That was at our old apartment, and it was great. We crushed this by relocating to a new place, where not only do I have an outdoor writing area, but it even has an ocean view. We’re finally in a place that doesn’t have carpet, we have a dishwasher and a bedroom door again, and it’s so quiet that we sometimes take two naps a day. As sometimes happens, the results exceeded the original goal. Couples: Our couples goal was to do meal prep. This helped us get into really cooking again, and our freezer is full of homemade soup. My husband even made jam for the first time in a few years. We’re back in a proper kitchen and remembering how much we prefer our own cooking. Stop goal: My “stop” goal was to “stop being sick and tired.” Last year I was really struggling with getting the common cold over and over and over again, and I basically lost a year of sleep thanks to my selfish rude upstairs neighbors. I did some research and experimentation, talked with my doctor, and found out that hardcore zinc supplements really do make all the difference for the immune system. Super Bio Veg for the win. Also we moved and I’ve been able to get about 25% more sleep. Lifestyle upgrades: My lifestyle upgrade was to get a new desktop computer, which I finally did, once I realized that the system I wanted cost less than half of what I thought it would. Something I have learned is that I should not say I “can’t afford” something until I know, objectively, how much it actually costs. Do the Obvious: My “do the obvious” was to schedule time blocks so I could get more done. This failed utterly and spectacularly. From June through today there has not been a single normal week, between my dental stuff, travel, moving, my husband’s business trips, my nasty medical surprise that ate November and December, and our poor sick doggy. I honestly don’t think there will ever be a time in my life when I can predict a strict schedule weeks or months in advance. I’m shifting my attitude toward something more flexible and forgiving. Metrics: I had the idea to add metrics to my annual goal-setting, and this was generally a success. I started out trying to track a bunch of stuff (mostly HIIT exercises) that fell out of my routine due to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Tracking metrics did help me to complete my DTM, focus on SleepQuest, and read more than the year before. Wherever I track what I’m doing I tend to get better results, because it doesn’t take long for patterns to stand out. Quest: My quest for the year was SleepQuest 2019. I’m calling this a success! I was not able to find a single thing that helped me sleep through the heavy footsteps and early-morning vacuuming/rearranging furniture of our upstairs neighbors. Well, other than a moving van, that is. We moved and now I can sleep whenever I want. I may have lost the first three quarters of the year but at least that phase of our life is over. Wish: My wish was to be signed by a literary agent. To my great astonishment, I am kinda sorta “in talks” with a couple of people. Maybe this will turn into a thing. Personal: Book proposal - IN PROGRESS Career: Distinguished Toastmaster - SUCCESS! Physical: Hip openers - FAIL Home: Outdoor writing area - SUCCESS Couples: Meal prep - SUCCESS Stop goal: Stop being sick and tired - SUCCESS Lifestyle upgrades: New desktop computer - SUCCESS Do the Obvious: Schedule time blocks - FAIL Metrics: Sleep, fitness, reading, writing, speaking - SUCCESS Quest: Sleep Project - SUCCESS Wish: To be signed by a literary agent. - IN PROGRESS Where do you want to be ten years from now?
Answers to this question tend to come in two varieties: *crickets* or grandiose plans with no clear information about how to get there. In these days, a lot of dreams that once would have sounded completely impossible are now fairly reasonable. Like, I want to be a colonist on Mars! Or, I want to be a rock star! Or, I want to talk to a celebrity! Or, I want to build a robot! The more technology makes possible, the less impressed we are by it. We’ve seen so much dramatic change in our lifetimes that it’s really hard to picture the future. The further out it is, the harder it is to imagine it in detail. I can definitely say that in 1990, I had no idea about most of what we take for granted today. I would have had the hardest time picturing cheap or free long-distance phone calls, cheap airfare with people wearing shorts and flip-flops on the plane, or everyone having tattoos. In 2000, I still couldn’t picture little kids talking on cell phones, YouTube, Google, Wikipedia, Facebook, or robotic appliances. In 2010, I couldn’t imagine how easy it would be to have everything delivered, rideshare, or controlling everything from your phone. Now 2020 is almost here, and I have no idea what it is that I’m not seeing, even though it will be a regular part of my life in the near future. 2030? Your guess is as good as mine. The other thing is that as difficult as it is to picture technological innovations before they arrive, it can be even more difficult to imagine the major events of our own lives. New friends, job changes, moving and living in a different home, or even medical issues can come as such huge surprises. We feel buffeted and attacked by circumstances. We forget or deny that we have free will. We don’t realize the infinite power we have to make choices, overcome obstacles, and create our own circumstances. I do think the ten-year framework can help clarify things, though. If you’re in an on-again, off-again relationship, do you think you’ll still want to be with this person ten years from now? Do you think you’ll still be living in the same place? Will your pets still be here? (People usually fail to realize that bringing home a kitten can be an extremely expensive 20-year commitment) Will you be at the same job? Will you have any savings? Will you be debt-free? If you knew you would wind up in the hospital ten years from now, do you have a few solid guesses about why? (I kinda always assumed I’d probably need a root canal one day, and guess what, I was right) Will you have new family members in your home? A kid, or one of your parents moving in with you? The lessons of middle age have a lot to do with responsibility for others, one annoying medical or dental thing after another, financial planning, and being the one who has to answer the Bat Signal. We can get so caught up in the endless waves of problem-solving that we lose sight of the dreams and idealism we had when we were young. Also we find out how expensive they are. Or assume they are and never bother to check. I travel a lot - my dad got a job with an airline when I was a little kid and I started early. It always surprises me how often I meet people who have never gone anywhere. Often they’re so captivated by a certain country or city that they have pictures or artwork about that place. Oh my gosh, I think, you could get a flight there for $600, you could go this year! There are SO MANY travel-related jobs, you could even change jobs and literally get paid to go there. To me travel is the easiest dream because I know how to do it. Other people might feel that way about a makeover, or learning to write code, or cooking or interior design or going back to school. Sure hon, I can help you with that, what are you doing tomorrow? It’s humanly possible and they’re probably hiring. A friend of mine wants to go to Antarctica. I told her I would totally go with her and she said she would do the research. All right, I guess I’d better start parka shopping... The thing is, though, there’s never an obvious right time to board your dog and just go to Antarctica. There’s never an obvious right time to book a resume consultant and start job hunting. There was an obvious right time for me to go back to school and get my degree, because my first husband asked for a divorce. Don’t wait for that kind of “opportunity” - just make up your mind and go for your dream now. How old are you going to be in 2030? I’ll be turning 55, how about you? Where do you want to be? Do you want to adopt a kid, see the world, get your teeth fixed, launch a website, buy a motorcycle, get your passport? When are you going to do it? One of the most provocative ideas I ever heard is that most people could make their ten-year goal happen in six months. That is patently not true if you want to do certain very specific things, like study to be a surgeon, but that list is really short. Most of the most common goals, like losing weight, going back to school, paying off debt, training for a marathon, or traveling to a new city, absolutely can be done in that timescale. Most ten-year goals are so easily reachable, reasonable, and modest that they aren’t motivating enough. They also draw naysayers. Nothing annoys other people as much as when someone achieves something that they want for themselves. Go on and bother them, then. None of these goals are zero-sum or exclusive. That’s why I suggested that I would go with my friend to Antarctica, because I know we’re both more likely to go if we have a buddy. Sometimes that buddy shows up in the process of planning your dream. It’s a great way to make new friends, friends who can’t imagine you in their life yet, either. Who will you be celebrating with on New Year’s Eve 2029? What resolutions will you be making that year? What is it that you want to experience in your lifetime? Do you think you’ll do the research and make it happen? Do you think you’ll show up for yourself? Obviously a check-in can be done any time, and the Gregorian calendar is a weird artifact of history that has no absolute meaning, but there are undeniable advantages to doing an annual review at the New Year. It’s up to you what you want to put in it, as well.
Lists of grievances and personal vendettas with matching caricatures Inventions to patent Party menus Obscure parts of the home to decorate and post on Instagram Hopelessness seems to be a common response to the concept of a yearly review. I don’t get this at all. I can’t imagine why, other than social comparison, it would bother someone to think that you have the power to add more of what you like to your life. If you want to be sad every day, can you sad more sadly? Nobody is going to stop you. It doesn’t have to be perky, cute, cheerful, socially acceptable, or photogenic. It doesn’t need illustrations or a soundtrack. It just has to be yours. It doesn’t have to be relatable, either. I believe this to my very depths, and that’s why I pursue my New Year’s perimeter check even though resolutions have been so unfashionable for so long. More than half of people refuse to set a resolution and of those who do, over 80% have quit by February. Either it doesn’t work, nobody likes it, everyone is doing it wrong, or I am a freak. I’ve never let any of those things stop me before... Here is a basic sense of what I mean by a ‘perimeter check.’ Who is in my life? What does my typical day look like? Where am I spending most of my time? What is that space like? What am I doing, and is it working? How is my energy level? What am I liking and not liking? What do I want more of, what do I want less of? The people. Who are the five most important people in my life? Am I showing up for them? Am I letting the time I have for them be eaten up by people who are less vital to my life? (Example: arguing with an anonymous griefer or troll rather than talking to someone I know and love) The routine. Can I quantify where my time goes, or am I losing track? Can I cut anything out of my schedule? Is it time to let go of a commitment to make time for something else? The space. Space clearing! Is there enough room for me to live my life? Do I have somewhere to do the things I want to do? The energy level. Am I tired all the time? Is there anything obvious in my routine, my space, or my social life that is affecting my energy level? How do I want to feel most days, and what am I willing to do or change to spark that feeling? Like, dislike. Is someone else setting those preferences? Do I even know what I want, in major and minor ways? More and less. More sleep, less scrolling. More face-to-face conversation, less reading the comments. Or whatever. For the visuals, I like to draw a life wheel. Typically there are eight slices of the pie, but that can be adjusted to suit. Categories are up to you; for instance, one could be “tacos” and you could rate your year on quality and quantity of tacos. My categories are: Personal environment Personal growth Romance Friends & family Community Work Finances Health This is where I think the trouble starts, why this exercise can feel so depressing. What if you feel like you get a zero for everything? I can say from experience that this is how it gets better. It’s my perception that a lot of guesswork goes into a diagnosis of depression. We’re *told* that it’s neurochemical, without any literal, objective, actual bloodwork or brain scans going on. (Even though they are technologically possible). Prescriptions are written after fifteen-minute consults (if that, ha) and it can take several years to get confirmation when those initial diagnoses prove incorrect. I think it’s helpful to point out that there are differences between depression, other neurochemical or physiological states that feel pretty depressing, grief, sorrow, and depressing situations and circumstances. Life review is a piece that can serve to figure this out, to get a better sense of what is going on. If you have depression and you also live in depressing circumstances, then it may be possible to get faster results by working on the circumstances first. If you actually do not have depression (maybe it’s medical, like low thyroid, did they check that?), then working on improving depressing circumstances may be all you needed after all. That, and a more competent doctor... I used this same sort of rating system to track, analyze, and overcome chronic pain and fatigue, migraine, night terrors, and insomnia, among other things. Those problems were real to me - just as your pain and sorrow are real - but I didn’t lose my identity when they went away. It’s mighty interesting to get to know yourself, the you that exists under the shadow of your worst problems. The emotions that I want to feel around my annual review may include elation, joy, and delight, but those are not the feeling states that drive me most of the time. I do aim for domestic contentment most of all, because I feel like it’s the most impact for the effort and it also benefits others around me. Happiness, though, isn’t always on my dial. What I prefer is to follow my curiosity. Intense interest is my preferred setting. Satisfaction is only possible for me, personally, through challenge. Serious challenge. This is what happens when I do my annual review. I spend a few days sorting and getting rid of stuff, cleaning, emptying out the fridge, and maybe rearranging furniture. I evaluate the past year and make plans for the upcoming year, including travel and family visits. I make sure I’m starting the year without loose ends, like library fines. I do a broad overview of my finances and my fitness level. I try to be as accurate about the reality of my daily life as I can, because I’m the one who has to live it. I wake up with myself every day. Whatever else is going on, whatever external slings and arrows affect my circumstances, at least I can be clear about my own values and whether I’m living up to them. I can stand up for myself and be my own ally, even in the hardest years when I need myself the most. Even more, I can consider whether I am showing up for the people who make me want to show up for them. I love the feeling of starting over with a clean slate. The truth is that the majority of stuff we beat ourselves up about doesn’t really affect anyone else; it only matters to us. That means we can look at it as a pure gift to ourselves, no pressure, no deadlines.
For me, though, my absolute favorite thing is to wake up on the morning of New Year’s Day and feel like I have a whole fresh calendar, no weird leftovers from the previous year. This is what I like: My place - the cleanest it will be the entire year A basically empty fridge and freezer, no scary leftovers or containers with no expiration date A clear desktop Empty email inbox No notifications pending on anything, anywhere Some space on my shelves, some empty hangers, and room in my cabinets No fines, fees, or borrowed items waiting to go back Pets bathed, trimmed, etc. The great thing about this fresh-start feeling is when you have the day off for the New Year. It means you have absolutely no chores to do and you can lounge around quite shamelessly, enjoying all the gleaming surfaces before everyone else messes it up. *gives side-eye to flying feather duster and Mr. Muddy Paws* I look at December and January both as buffer months. They don’t really count toward resolution time, most especially for fitness or body transformation purposes. December is my month for planning, and January is my grace period for finishing off any loose ends from the previous year. Those loose ends usually mean closet-purging and other organizing projects, and books I was reading that I left off partway. Every single year I resolve to quit doing this, and every single year I somehow find myself midway through a dozen or more books. This probably started around the time I got into chapter books... The goal around all this tying of loose ends is an emotional state. The idea is to avoid any kind of feeling of MUST or SHOULD or HAVE TO. We want to be fully aware of what we choose and what we do because it makes our lives easier - like paying taxes, staying out of traffic court, and maintaining a comfortable living environment. Wouldn’t it be nice to feel that way close to 100% during our off hours? I’ll share an example of a “clean slate” project that I’m focusing on this month. It’s honestly the dumbest thing I can think of, something that almost all sane people would think is beneath their attention, and they’re correct in that. Our new apartment has glass shower doors. Unlike every previous set of shower doors I’ve ever had, these are not frosted, pebbled, textured, or coated in any way. This makes it obvious that there is some kind of grimy build-up. I have tried SO MANY different cleansers and approaches to getting this stuff off, and at this point it’s part intellectual puzzle and part battle of wills. What is this muck and filth?? I’m a “daily squeegee” person so it’s even more infuriating. I’ve tried: white vinegar; white vinegar mixed with dish soap; CLR; Lime-A-Way; rubbing alcohol; Bon Ami; and each of these with a battery-powered scrubber with two different scrubbing heads. Whatever it is, it evidently isn’t soap scum, calcium, limescale, or ordinary dirt. I suspect sorcery. Nobody on earth could conceivably care about these grubby water droplets on my shower doors as much as I do. No way. Most people in my age group probably wouldn’t even see them without their glasses on. This has nothing to do with external pressure, social rules, feeling judged, or guilt or shame or whatever. It’s just a challenge. GAME ON. A clean slate is what we need when something keeps clutching at our attention. If we can’t convince ourselves to quit caring, and we don’t plan to remove ourselves from the situation entirely, then it’s time to vanquish it, whatever it is. Stuck drawers, loose buttons, scuff marks, stacks and piles, the trunk that’s so full it can’t be used - anything that simply bothers and annoys and distracts us is a candidate for the clean slate. There are several approaches to determining what projects to tackle for your clean slate. What works depends on your situation, your mindset, and even your daily mood. One, the brain dump. Write out a list. This can be really fun because there are few delights quite like the satisfaction of crossing stuff off a list. If you share your household with others, you can tape the list to the inside of your front door and let everyone else compete for most items completed. Two, the perimeter check. Start at the front door and work your way clockwise through the room, then clockwise to the next room. Either handle stuff as you come across it, or take notes and move along with your clipboard. This is a good method if you have a fix-it person under your roof who can barter peace of mind for pure action - and a little quid pro quo. There must be something this person would love for you to finally get done that would feel like a fair trade. Three, the hot spot. Start with whatever is bothering you the absolute most. Even if that’s the only thing you do, at least you are free at last. Four, the comfort zone. Start with the area that is most important to you and do everything that needs doing in that area. It might be the inside of your car, or the area around your bed, or your dining table. Imagine your dream version of that space and see if you can come up with an upgrade. For me, the biggest question is always, would I choose this? Was it intentional? I don’t ever want to feel like I am tolerating a perpetual problem if I have the ability to do otherwise. The next question is, when you’ve finished liberating your mental bandwidth, what are you going to do next? It’s October First, and that means two things. One, I’m totally going to spend the entire month indulging in all things Halloween; and two, it’s time for third quarter check-in. I’ve been publishing my progress (or non-progress) on my annual goals and resolutions for a few years now, and I find that it keeps me feeling serious. At least it reminds me that I may have “decided to do something nine months ago and then promptly put it aside.
What has been going well? We moved! We found a new apartment that we absolutely love and ditched the old place. My recommendation, if you want to save tons of money by moving into a studio apartment, is to get one with no upstairs neighbors. Let’s see, what else? We went to Europe not once but twice this summer, once for my birthday and once for our TEN-YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Our life now feels like a massive level-up compared to our lives six months ago. What hasn’t been going well? We did three things this summer. One was travel (both) and the other two were moving (all four) and oral surgery (just me). There were almost no days over the last quarter when one of these things didn’t take up the entire schedule. It’s been pretty distracting. Our dog has been having a rough time, and it doesn’t feel like a coincidence that we happen to be quite close to his vet’s office. Personal: My personal project is to submit a book proposal. I have not done this yet and the year is winding to a close. Time to make up my mind. Is this something I am really going to do, or am I always going to find reasons that it’s “not quite time” or “not quite good enough yet” for another million years? Career: My career goal for the year was to complete the work for my Distinguished Toastmaster. I still have one more piece of paperwork to process on this. I knew I have until next June and I put it aside during the move. It embarrasses me that I could have had this finished back in May and it’s still in my desk. Physical: My fitness resolution is to work on hip openers. Not only have I not been doing this all year, I feel like I haven’t done anything fitness-related at all. I’m at the heaviest I’ve been in twelve years, and struggling to break through a plateau. The energy I would like to feel about my energy level, strength, and agility is nowhere near where I want it to be right now. Which direction do I want my timeline to go in the next few months, up, down, or flat? Home: My home project was to set up an outdoor writing area. We did this at the beginning of the year and I love(d) it. Since we’ve moved, I actually have access to an outdoor writing area with an ocean view and almost zero foot traffic. I just have yet to use it. Right now I’m writing with a keyboard on my lap and sitting in bed because the temperatures are getting cooler. Couples: Our couples resolution is to do bulk meal prep. Now that we’re back in a proper kitchen, we’ve both been cooking from scratch every night. We had emptied the freezer in preparation for our move, and now we’re filling it up again. Stop goal: My stop goal is to stop being sick and tired. Finally making progress here! I’ve been able to sleep SO much more in the new place and even take a nap a couple of times a week. I think I’ve also figured out my problem with constantly catching colds from last winter. My husband has picked up a cold twice in the past two months, and I’ve been able to escape with maybe 5-10% of the symptoms he has. Two differences: we switched roles with the intensive martial arts training, when he enrolled and I went on hiatus, and I started taking a zinc supplement that he doesn’t like to use. (It’s called Super Bio Veg and it’s expensive and tastes like bouillon cubes, but I swear by it). Our experiences this year have firmed up my conviction that over-training quickly starts to impact the immune system. Lifestyle upgrades: My lifestyle upgrade resolution was to buy a new desktop computer. I finally did it. I also went out and got a wireless scanner. I’ve been slowly digitizing and culling our remaining paper files. Do the Obvious: My “Do the Obvious” this year is to schedule everything in time blocks. This has been a really useful concept. I no longer feel like I “should be doing something” every single minute. I’ve been able to look at the clock and sign off in the evening. I’ve also been able to keep most of my projects going in spite of the move, travel, oral surgery, veterinary emergencies, etc. I’m realizing that I can do 95% of the stuff with 80% less of the stress by taking relaxation and downtime more seriously. Metrics: It is not a coincidence that I quit logging HIIT exercises like burpees and push-ups and had to revert to logging my food intake. Playing with a more formal bullet journal/habit tracker for the rest of the year to see what happens. Quest: This year it’s SleepQuest 2019. I started having night terrors again this year, which has been dreadful, and I even had them once in the new apartment. (Should have known better, but I went to bed two hours after eating dinner and I know I need to wait for three). My sleep is improving. Now I need to focus on my body mass and my workouts, two factors that I have successfully identified as key to my personal night terror episodes. More on this as I write about SleepQuest during Fourth Quarter. Wish: My wish is to be signed by a literary agent. I actually talked to two of them at WDS and it was not unpromising. I had a follow-up call with one of them. Then our summer got a bit... vivid... and we’re only now settling in again. I’m one of those people who lowers themselves into the pool inch by inch, let’s put it that way. Personal: Book proposal Career: Distinguished Toastmaster - IN PROGRESS Physical: Hip openers Home: Outdoor writing area - SUCCESS Couples: Meal prep - SUCCESS Stop goal: Stop being sick and tired Lifestyle upgrades: New desktop computer - SUCCESS Do the Obvious: Schedule time blocks Metrics: Sleep, fitness, reading, writing, speaking Quest: Sleep Project: SleepQuest 2019 Wish: To be signed by a literary agent. It’s that time again. I went to the grocery store, walking in behind an employee with a massive display arch of helium balloons, because I live in a musical and that kind of thing is happening around us all the time. Out front the hay bales had already been set up. Technically it’s still summer, but the winds have changed and autumn is coming.
School is back in session and the pumpkins are out. The winds are changing, blowing through, sweeping old dust out of the corners wherever they can. What’s different this year compared to last year? I’m a summer person, and in a lot of ways, fall makes me antsy. I know the days are getting shorter and the cold, wet weather is coming. I also start to count off the weeks that are left until the New Year. That’s my ultimate watershed moment, the way I measure whether I’m doing as well as I want and whether my plans are working out. I also feel the glimmer of possibility, that what felt like an endless summer on an 80-degree day is now about to run out. Any warm and sunny day seems more valuable, perhaps the last chance to run around and enjoy it until next year. Have I had a picnic, have I sat under a beach umbrella, have I sauntered along in the park? Those in the Southern Hemisphere can use my wistful feelings of summer passing toward planning fun things to do in the coming months. Please do! There are other ways besides seasonal change to take notice when a fresh wind blows in. What’s changing around us? Is this indicative of a trend? Your boss or a former colleague gets a promotion Someone you know is getting divorced One of your friend’s kids suddenly becomes a teenager, and how did that happen?? Someone is moving The neighbors are cleaning up their yard We bumped into one of our young ones at the coffee shop. She’s excited because she just started taking a class on American Sign Language. I showed her the few pathetic signs I learned in childhood, when my mom’s best friend happened to be Deaf. Cookie, I’m sorry, bathroom, parachute. Useful signs for a four-year-old! A wind blew in with her, a breezy possibility of learning new things and making new friends. Why didn’t I take the opportunity to learn to sign more from my mom, my ex-husband, or any of my other friends or boyfriends who know how to sign? My dusty old brain needs sweeping out. Like everyone, I’m surrounded by fresh opportunities all the time. Some of them I notice, some of them I don’t, and some of them I don’t even recognize or understand. Whenever a breeze kicks up it’s my job to perk up and pay attention. This is something we feel in our new apartment, in our new neighborhood. The microclimate is ever so subtly different than it was in our old place, two miles away. On the top floor instead of the ground floor, we’re now able to get a great cross-breeze day and night. We actually have more than one window. This makes our daily life feel wildly different, even though we’re in a similarly sized place, quite nearby, with the same job and the same friends as before. It’s always surprising how many people never open their windows. One of the indicators of hoarding that I notice in my ambit is when drapes are never opened, but are visibly pressed against a window by the stacks of clutter behind them. A dim and dusty room should never deprive a person of fresh air and sunlight, no matter what the neighbors might think. We’ve just moved, into a place that feels breezy and bright, and it’s changing everything. We’ve rearranged our furniture four times in a month, constantly reconfiguring as we cull our stuff and adapt to the new conditions. We invited our friends over and the room filled with laughter, wall to wall. The best kind of breeze of all. What if a wind blew in and it changed everything? What would that be like? What if everything around us was arbitrary and subject to change? What if our petty annoyances simply blew away? What if we realized that our biggest problems were secretly only problems of perspective? What if the wind changed, and then our minds changed too? I’ve felt this in my life, as I’ve relocated, traveled, changed jobs, transformed my body. Body transformation is probably the weirdest one, wandering back and forth over eight clothing sizes, but it tends to show that anything is possible. Paying off debt is possible, training for a new career is possible, finding love is possible, forgiveness is possible. Certainly unloading clutter and redesigning a room is possible, and it can be done in a day with a little hustle. Bustle and bustle, hear the leaves rustle. If you’re big into the holiday season, now is the time to start getting ready. There is still plenty of time to make space, to design a Halloween costume, to plan a Thanksgiving menu, to finish off some New Year’s Resolutions. All the stuff you will wish you had done the week before, you can start doing now, as a cute and fun gift for Future You. Social deadlines are the best deadlines, as long as we’re doing something appealing and we’re genuinely looking forward to it. Decorating, hosting a party, and breaking out the special holiday treats are all excellent motivation for getting stuff done. As the wind blows in, telling me that fall is here, I’m looking forward to a full month of Halloween. I’m clearing the decks and making sure I have no reason not to indulge myself. Open the window. Do you feel the wind blowing in? It’s time for quarterly check-in. I’m late this year because we were at World Domination Summit and we were really busy!
What has been going well? Everything but my sleep situation. I went camping with my family, the first time I’ve been in the woods in two years. I got to take my niece downtown for a day. My stepdaughter graduated from college with dual degrees and won an academic award, and we got to see her walk. My husband is working on his fourth patent application. He’s not going to like this, but I’m going to tell a story on him: He tutored one of our baristas in calculus and she brought her grade up from a D to an A. I’ve made friends with some neighbors who are in love with my little parrot Noelle, and she’s been having sleepovers with them when we go out of town. What hasn’t been going well? I had to get my first root canal and I still have more oral surgery to get done this summer. I’ve maxed out our dental coverage for the year and it’s getting expensive. If anyone tells you that you need to wear a night guard because you grind your teeth, I suggest that you pay close attention. Personal: My personal project is to submit a book proposal. I took a dare and pitched to a literary agent, who agreed to read my proposal [WHEN IT’S READY]. The plan for this year has always been to work on this beginning July 1. Now to get down to business. Career: My career goal for the year was to complete the work for my Distinguished Toastmaster. I have done everything but submit the paperwork for my High Performance Leadership project. I finished my term as area director with a Distinguished area, I was nominated unanimously as a division director and won a contested election, and I completed four educational awards. Happy Toastmasters New Year, right? Physical: My fitness resolution is to work on hip openers. I rode a mechanical bull on June 30. While I stayed on for over a minute, this is actually the opposite of the intention of hip openers and I’m still feeling it. Yoga is really starting to look like an attractive plan right now. Home: My home project was to set up an outdoor writing area. We did this at the beginning of the year and I love it. The side benefit of the folding screen has been that random beachgoers are at least briefly unable to look into our kitchen, point, stare, or occasionally wave at us while we are fixing meals. Couples: Our couples resolution is to do bulk meal prep. We have been enjoying this, except that we need to figure out how to fit it in around our travel schedule. Stop goal: My stop goal is to stop being sick and tired. I have had better progress in Second Quarter, having left town for my sleepvacation and a couple of others trips. I haven’t had a cold in a couple of months! We are now in our last quarter before our lease is up, and then we can move. Lifestyle upgrades: My lifestyle upgrade resolution was to buy a new desktop computer. I finally did it. Do the Obvious: My “Do the Obvious” this year is to schedule everything in time blocks. I’m moving forward with a new plan to race the clock and try to do all my email in just 5-minute increments. Metrics: Need to do a better job tracking hydration, by which I mean that metrics show I don’t always drink enough water. Quest: This year it’s SleepQuest 2019. I started July with night terrors and I’m still struggling. Wish: My wish is to be signed by a literary agent. I actually talked to two of them at WDS and it was not unpromising. Personal: Book proposal Career: Distinguished Toastmaster Physical: Hip openers Home: Outdoor writing area - SUCCESS Couples: Meal prep - SUCCESS Stop goal: Stop being sick and tired Lifestyle upgrades: New desktop computer - SUCCESS Do the Obvious: Schedule time blocks Metrics: Sleep, fitness, reading, writing, speaking Quest: Sleep Project: SleepQuest 2019 Wish: To be signed by a literary agent. Diogenes used to walk around Ancient Greece with a lit lantern in the daytime. People would ask him, “Hey, Diogenes, what’s up with the lantern?” He’d say, “I’m looking for an honest man!” I dig this right now, except instead of an honest man I’m in search of a decent night’s sleep. This is SleepQuest 2019, one woman’s journey to stop being tired all the time. The week of the New Year, I realized that my (current) sleep issues might have something to do with my ten-year dependency on melatonin. I quit taking it. That was a very hard week, but I did start sleeping better soon after. Three months in, I’m still not taking melatonin or any other sleep aid, and I’m finding that I can usually drop off to sleep in under twenty minutes. IS THAT GREAT, OR WHAT? I started wearing an older-model Fitbit at night as a sleep tracker. According to my metrics, I often fall asleep in 5-7 minutes. That honestly surprises me. It could be that I just quit shifting around in bed and lie still at that point. Maybe one day there will be a brain scanner that will give better data. Who knows? I had been waking up in the middle of the night a lot, sometimes 3-4 times per night. I usually sleep through the night now. These are the things that are going well. Unfortunately, I think one of the reasons I’m falling asleep more quickly and staying down through the night is that I am just so tired lately. We have upstairs neighbors. They are loud. They keep late hours. They also get up early. First it’s the man getting ready for work. He has a HEAVY TREAD which is very noticeable above your head at 5:00 AM. Then, just as he’s leaving, his wife comes down. She stays at home. That’s why it’s such a mystery why she feels that she needs to do all her housework before 9:00 AM. She probably thinks that mopping at 7:00 is a quiet and respectful thing to do, not realizing that it sounds like squirrels are digging their way through our ceiling. Then there are the middle school daughter and the family dog, everyone waking up and tromping down the stairs in their own sweet time. Sigh. Essentially 90% of the noise in our apartment complex happens between 5:00 AM and 9:00 AM. Another 5% is the period between 11:30 PM and 12:30 AM. Someone walks around and does things in the kitchen. I think it might be the kid. Anyway, enough about that. The point is that I am preoccupied with the doings of these people because THEY KEEP WAKING ME UP and I don’t have a lot of options. They just aren’t quiet for an 8-hour stretch. Whenever I confront a persistent problem, I go at it in multiple ways. The first is to strategize and try to reframe the problem. Next step is to ask for advice. After that I try to solve the problem with money. First wave: Do we have recourse about the noise? We went to the property manager back when these neighbors were doing their laundry at 6:00 AM, and that got dealt with. We had a couple of challenges when they kept trying to push back to more like 7:30. The real issue is that the simple act of walking to the bathroom and taking a shower is louder in our apartment than it is in theirs. It’s not unreasonable for them to get ready in the morning. We could probably talk to a lawyer and get out of our lease early, but then we’d have to move. (Another way to reframe the problem). Second wave: What are other people doing? Talk to the landlord, fix your nutrition, etc. I have the most screwed-up sleep of anyone I know, so for this topic I am reading up on sleep research. Third wave: Solve the problem with money. Eye masks, a white noise generator, fan, air filter, ear plugs, new sheets, a new pillow, etc. In the past I’ve tried essential oils, lotions, teas, herbal supplements, meditation, progressive relaxation, yoga, hot baths, and basically everything else on the market. I’ve even tried prescription pharmaceuticals, which is replacing one problem for another. At this point on the SleepQuest journey, I am ready to say that my main sleep problem is external. It’s disruptive noise. That’s actually amazing. As an optimist, I have to remind myself that this is a good thing. As soon as I can move somewhere with our own roof, and no longer have heavy booted footsteps walking six feet over my head early each morning, I’ll have a chance of sleeping like a normal person. Taking 90 minutes to fall asleep? Gone. Waking up with stomach cramps? Gone. Waking up 3-4 times a night? Gone. Restless leg? Gone. On the other hand, since I started SleepQuest 2019 I have had a couple instances of night terrors. I’ve also had a couple of migraines. I’ve been down with a cold three times. While my sleep quality is nowhere near as bad as it was back in November and December, it’s certainly not as good as it could be. Overall strategy is to put a small amount of focus in several things, rather than concentrate on only one thing. What I’ve found with complicated problems (like migraine, weight loss, and parasomnia) is that fixing one input is never enough. One percent improvement in ten things is ten percent improvement, right? I already know a bunch of things that work, so for the rest of the year I will methodically make sure that I am putting as much effort into those proven areas as I can. I’ll also continue to do more research. What have I done that works? Wear the eye mask Find the right distance and noise setting for air filter and fan Quit taking melatonin and suffer through a week of very poor sleep Adjust my hydration and make sure I’m drinking my full quota before 8:00 PM DO NOT EAT or drink any non-water fluids close to bedtime, preserving a three-hour gap between last food and sleep initiation Try to go to bed earlier and wish neighbors would, too. I’ve been tracking and sharing my annual goals and resolutions for a few years. Quarterly check-ins are a huge part of how I stay on track, not so much for the accountability but because I tend to get distracted and want to do a million other things. What might seem like a lot of goals to most people is something that sometimes feels limiting to me!
What’s going well? Butterfly migration! Springtime after a wet winter, flowers everywhere, and a reminder that the natural world is always worthy of our attention and full of delights. I found a sundress WITH POCKETS that are big enough to hold my phone. Our dog is doing reasonably well, considering that the vet gave him “two months to live” back in October. What’s not going well: I’m sick again. This quarter I’ve had night terrors twice and I’m also struggling with migraines. No matter what else I do, our upstairs neighbor persists in getting ready for work at 5:00 in the morning directly above our bed. Our lease isn’t up until October. I either need to magically come up with the $8,000 it will cost to break our lease, or patiently wait out the next six months until we can move to a place with our own roof. Overall, I’m making solid progress toward most of my goals, but I feel sad and my energy is down. Personal: My personal project is to submit a book proposal. This is on hold until July, after I finish out the Toastmasters program year. All I’ve been doing toward my personal goal, other than reading through my draft manuscript, is reading a stack of writing manuals. Career: My career goal for the year was to complete the work for my Distinguished Toastmaster. I just earned another Triple Crown for finishing three educational levels in one program year. I was nominated unanimously for Division Director for next year, and I’ll find out how that goes in mid-May. Physical: My fitness resolution is to work on hip openers. I have done very little toward this goal, other than to figure out that my hip problem is exacerbated by riding my bike. I am not doing much toward any physical goal, since I’ve been struggling with my health; in fact I put my gym membership on pause. Home: My home project was to set up an outdoor writing area. This has been a great success! It’s warm enough to sit outside again, my parrot absolutely loves it, and no passersby or neighbors have bothered me since I set it up. My hubby even figured out how to get an extension cord under the screen door so I can have MORE POWER. Couples: Our couples resolution is to do bulk meal prep. This has been great! We’re saving money, eating better, and we’ve also both lost a few pounds. The only negative is that we are now much more focused on how badly we want to get back into a place with a bigger kitchen. Stop goal: My stop goal is to stop being sick and tired. This seemed to be working for a while. Then something seems to have happened with our neighbor’s production schedule at work. They’re up there scuttling around until midnight or later, and then up at 5:00 AM EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE WEEK. I don’t know how we can complain about someone walking around and using the shower, as opposed to blasting music and throwing loud parties. Still, it’s kinda ruining my life right now. I am failing at this goal and it is making me feel hopeless and helpless. Lifestyle upgrades: My lifestyle upgrade resolution was to buy a new desktop computer. I finally did it. Do the Obvious: My “Do the Obvious” this year is to schedule everything in time blocks. It seems to be working as far as measurable productivity. Where it isn’t working as well is in rest and relaxation. Metrics: Tracking my sleep metrics has been interesting. The body fat monitor has been motivating and encouraging for my husband, while not showing much change for me. I quit tracking how many news articles I read, partly because it turned out to be too time-consuming, and partly because I revolutionized my reading habits. After years of trying, I finally figured out a way to speed-read entire books! This crowded out my news habit, so that now I’m only really reading the news while I’m on the elliptical or waiting for a bus. Huge improvement. Quest: This year it’s SleepQuest 2019. I am sleeping through the night most of the time, probably because I keep being woken up 2-3 hours before I need to be up. My night terrors have crept back onto the radar. I would be focusing on sleep this year, even if I hadn’t chosen it as a quest. Maybe it will be inspirational for those need more sleep but who 1. Don’t have night terrors and 2. Don’t have an early-rising upstairs neighbor. Wish: My wish is to be signed by a literary agent. Did I just say that out loud? Personal: Book proposal Career: Distinguished Toastmaster Physical: Hip openers Home: Outdoor writing area - SUCCESS Couples: Meal prep - SUCCESS Stop goal: Stop being sick and tired Lifestyle upgrades: New desktop computer - SUCCESS Do the Obvious: Schedule time blocks Metrics: Sleep, fitness, reading, writing, speaking Quest: Sleep Project: SleepQuest 2019 Wish: To be signed by a literary agent. |
AuthorI've been working with chronic disorganization, squalor, and hoarding for over 20 years. I'm also a marathon runner who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and thyroid disease 17 years ago. This website uses marketing and tracking technologies. Opting out of this will opt you out of all cookies, except for those needed to run the website. Note that some products may not work as well without tracking cookies. Opt Out of CookiesArchives
January 2022
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