Today I am a 5 out of 10, a 5! Magnificent!
Very proud of my superior gut flora. I did have an uncomfortable 20 hours of noticing my stomach, but I did NOT suffer actual indigestion. Weird flex but give this one to me. Yay belly, great job, go team! One reason I have not panicked or cried for myself after nearly two weeks of this… odyssey… is that I trust my body no matter what. It’s not the doctor or the drugs or the machines that heal, IT IS MY BODY that heals! Yours too. No amount of money or materials can do that for you, you do it yourself. It’s not death we are afraid of - I don’t think - it’s mostly PAIN, uncertainty, loss of control, death of the ego. Logically once we are dead we can’t feel pain or fear any more, right? Like a candle that is snuffed out, the flame is just gone. Does part of us survive physical death, no idea, but I am confident that physical sensations do not. Am I afraid of pain, sure. My coronavirus experience has not been painful, though. For instance if I had to choose between a day of nausea or a day of gulping air and struggling to breathe, (both of which I have had this week), I’d choose the nausea every time. I find it merely annoying and distracting. No biggie. In our culture we have this tradition where we are supposed to say “I can’t imagine how you must feel.” I hate this to my bones, it is a wrong thought. Of COURSE you can imagine how I feel, otherwise why would you be reading about it?? You know what nausea feels like You know what being woozy from the flu feels like You know what a headache feels like You know what being dizzy feels like I’m willing to bet you’ve been out of breath before You know what it’s like to worry you will die soon When people think about prepping they always think about the gear. (Will get there I promise). I say it’s way more important to focus on your emotions and mental state, your communications, and organizing your information. This is why my hubby and I got into leadership training. Everybody calm down or someone is going to kick over the kit. Can you contemplate being very sick in bed for two weeks without freaking out? Yes, I have great faith in you Can you picture yourself being confused, losing focus, losing your train of thought? Aka typical Monday morning, yes you can Can you picture yourself in total panic, crying and flailing your hands around? Maybe not, I know {I} can, I know that I am a pitiful coward and that is why I train Do the visualization exercises and then imagine yourself snapping yourself out of it. Your mental touchstone will be unique to you. Your methods will also be unique to you. For myself, I use a combination of sweet talk and massive verbal abuse, something I have field-tested. “Come on honey, you can do it, you lazy *****,” quoting to myself from Full Metal Jacket, etc. Babe you got this. Often I just tell myself HEY, hey. Emotionally I have been feeling massive guilt and shame, blaming myself, waves of sadness, annoyance at myself for having stupid priorities, a lot of philosophical thoughts about letting go and forgiveness (of others, not myself alas), curiosity and sometimes awe, wistfulness about things I will miss from this world… and also noticing how directly my optimism vs. moping are correlated with my physical energy level. I doubt another person would feel my exact combination of emotions, that’s totally understandable! I redirect to thinking of positives. For me these particular visualizations have helped distract me and give me a sense of purpose. Meaning? No. To me a virus that affects humans is a meaningless accident of fate, just like earthquake or hurricane. Purposes, to keep my husband well, stop frightening my poor parents, see my friends again, inspire others to keep a cool head, generate convalescent plasma! Field promotion from pawn to queen, saving doctors and nurses who will go on to save hundreds of lives. We can make some sense out of this. I could not imagine going to the hospital and I did not want to bother any actual medical professionals. I asked, who can teach me? Answer: sick people! They were endlessly kind and patient in sharing their experiences, including someone who got an organ transplant. Section 5 is with their help, mistakes are all mine. Okay, time for the list. You want to get ready in case this alien trash comes for you or your family.
All your questions really come down to, Can I handle this? Yes, you got this. Be well. Comments are closed.
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AuthorI've been working with chronic disorganization, squalor, and hoarding for over 20 years. I'm also a marathon runner who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and thyroid disease 17 years ago. This website uses marketing and tracking technologies. Opting out of this will opt you out of all cookies, except for those needed to run the website. Note that some products may not work as well without tracking cookies. Opt Out of CookiesArchives
January 2022
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